yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize