somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
