If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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