He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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