Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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