the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
