That's intense
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Randomize
