No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
