Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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