If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
