life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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