it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
