i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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