Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
