Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
North Korea, Best Korea!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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