There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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