do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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