Will you blow on my dice?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
