You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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