Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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