she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
