Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
