Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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