I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
