pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
