his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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