Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
