She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
