If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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