If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
