they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
