You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
