After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
