We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
