my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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