Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
