My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
don't judge my taste in strippers
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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