i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
