I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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