When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
