we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
