Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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