So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
