just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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