is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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