have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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