I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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