Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
