I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
