Apparently you make a good broom.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
