is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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