Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
