yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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