On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
