Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
