I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
