phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize