then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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