Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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