hotel room ftw
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
