i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm just crazy horny about you
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
