He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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