This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
