Kiss
Puke
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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