Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
