No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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