I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize