I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
