I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
