Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it's like iHOP with fire
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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