Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Semen is not good for contacts.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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