Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
