UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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